The Talking Lion

Sunday, June 12, 2005

The Onion contributes to my laughweeping

Hey remember that place in Sudan where all that genocide is happening? You don't?

Here's the latest from my homeboy, The Onion:

Well, I GuessThat Genocide in Sudan Must've Worked Itself Out On Its Own

I was pretty worried a year or so ago when the news came out that thousands of people had been indiscriminately slaughtered in Darfur
. It was unsettling to hear that citizens of one ethnicity (Arab, maybe?) were systematically mass-murdering the population of some other ethnicity (Was it the Ganjaweeds? It's been so long since I've read their names!) But lately, the main stories in the news seem to be about Deep Throat, the new summer blockbusters, and something about stem cells. Since I'm sure I would have remembered if the U.S. had intervened in some way to stop it, I can only assume that the whole genocide-in-Darfur thing has somehow worked itself out.

[...]

...since I haven't seen any petitions or heard any emotional entreaties for somebody—anybody—to please, for God's sake, do something... Well, I'm gonna guess that the major humanitarian crisis must be over. And thank God, too! The whole situation sounded really awful.

Not that I wanted to be an alarmist, but when I first heard about the Darfur conflict, I thought to myself, "Uh oh! Sounds like another massive ethnic cleansing, not unlike Bosnia and Rwanda!" Those genocides sure were unfathomable! And not only because of the inhumanity of the acts, either—the blind indifference with which the world allowed the killings to continue unchecked was upsetting, too.

[...]

What a great turn of events! Frankly, I'm relieved that all the horror, death, and human agony is over. I mean, after all those reports of ongoing murder, rape, and looting, I confess I was a little surprised when I didn't hear much more about it, beyond some international sanctions and aid packages. Ah, but what's the point in belaboring the grisly details? Why go on and on about which paramilitary militias were killing and raping which women and children? The important thing is that the conflict's apparently over.

Evidently, the hatred has been healed, peace has been restored, and the perpetrators of this unimaginable crime have been brought to justice. It sure is good to know it all must've turned out all right. It's like they say: No news is good news! Right?



Hahaha. Sob.

3 Comments:

  • Sirs:

    Ahhhhhhhhhhdoooooooaaaaaaaduuuuuhhhhhhh.

    Aiidaaaaa. Duuuuhuhduhuuuhduuhuuuhduuuuh.

    Woooooo,

    Aiieeeeee.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at Monday, 13 June, 2005  

  • Will you guys be offering some insights into the coming Michael Jackson verdict? The blogosphere seems all wrapped up in "Iraq" and more concerned with "terrorists" than molesters and child-touchers. What kind of society do we live in that prefers this?

    By Anonymous Mac, at Monday, 13 June, 2005  

  • um what?

    I'm confused. Why is Iraq in quotes?

    Jackson was found not guilty, right? Making him not a "child-toucher"; innocent until etc. Also Michael Jackson isn't causing the deaths of Americans and Iraqis everyday.

    I mean, thats why I'm concerned about it.

    I'm not sure if your being sarcastic. Let's hope so.

    By Blogger Arun, at Tuesday, 14 June, 2005  

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